My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
All my friends are getting married. I guess I’m just at that age where people give up. Amy Schumer
All my friends are getting married. I guess I’m just at that age where people give up.
One of the dreams on my wish list is to spend more time in Thailand. Kevin Kwan
One of the dreams on my wish list is to spend more time in Thailand.
I'm so happy because today I found my friends - they're in my head. Kurt Cobain
I'm so happy because today I found my friends - they're in my head.
I think, team first. It allows me to succeed, it allows my team to succeed. LeBron James
I think, team first. It allows me to succeed, it allows my team to succeed.
I don't even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in. Kanye West
I don't even listen to rap. My apartment is too nice to listen to rap in.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I'm not confident in my own ability to resist the titanic force of my own ego. Garth Risk Hallberg
I'm not confident in my own ability to resist the titanic force of my own ego.
I haven't understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it. Igor Stravinsky
I haven't understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it.
I don't go out unless I'm working. My quality time is when I'm doing nothing. Nas
I don't go out unless I'm working. My quality time is when I'm doing nothing.
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own. H. G. Wells
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
