It is a well known fact that reality has liberal bias.

Stephen Colbert

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.

Stephen Colbert

There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.

Stephen Colbert

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Stephen Colbert

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

Stephen Colbert

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Stephen Colbert

You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Stephen Colbert

Agnostics are just atheists without balls.

Stephen Colbert