I'm a walking, talking enigma.

Larry David

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Larry David

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied.

Larry David

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Larry David

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Larry David

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Larry David

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Larry David

I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.

Larry David

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

Larry David

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Larry David

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Larry David

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

Larry David