I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Jim Gaffigan

If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

Jim Gaffigan

Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.

Jim Gaffigan

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

Jim Gaffigan

I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.

Jim Gaffigan

Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.

Jim Gaffigan

There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.

Jim Gaffigan

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Jim Gaffigan

I love writing stand-up so much and tinkering and looking for ideas.

Jim Gaffigan

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

Jim Gaffigan

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

Jim Gaffigan

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Jim Gaffigan