Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.

Jim Gaffigan

I’m convinced that anyone who doesn’t like Mexican food is a psychopath.

Jim Gaffigan

I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.

Jim Gaffigan

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.

Jim Gaffigan

I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.

Jim Gaffigan

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing

Jim Gaffigan

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

Jim Gaffigan

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Jim Gaffigan

Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.

Jim Gaffigan

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

Jim Gaffigan

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

Jim Gaffigan

Now there are adults without children who go to Disney, and they are called weirdos. Very nice people. Absolutely crazy.

Jim Gaffigan