Jim Gaffigan quotes

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

Jim Gaffigan

Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.

Jim Gaffigan

Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.

Jim Gaffigan

Now there are adults without children who go to Disney, and they are called weirdos. Very nice people. Absolutely crazy.

Jim Gaffigan

I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing

Jim Gaffigan

I’m convinced that anyone who doesn’t like Mexican food is a psychopath.

Jim Gaffigan

I was still rooting for Notre Dame.It's like there's the cultural Catholic experience.

Jim Gaffigan

I'd have to say Sunset Salsa. Nothing against Honey Lime, but it's for losers.

Jim Gaffigan

I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.

Jim Gaffigan

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

Jim Gaffigan

I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.

Jim Gaffigan

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

Jim Gaffigan