I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.

John Oliver

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.

John Oliver

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.

John Oliver

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.

John Oliver

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

John Oliver

The Confederate flag is one of those things that should only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.

John Oliver

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

John Oliver

Drug companies are a bit like high school boyfriends they're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they're in there.

John Oliver

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

John Oliver

Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.

John Oliver

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.

John Oliver

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

John Oliver