Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being...
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton. Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' Demetri Martin
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack. Demetri Martin
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
I never set out to do a sketch show. Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, 'Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert. Demetri Martin
About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, 'Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets. Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store. Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned. Demetri Martin
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby. Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K. Demetri Martin
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.
