Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being...
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby. Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets. Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store. Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
I never set out to do a sketch show. Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. Demetri Martin
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned. Demetri Martin
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. Demetri Martin
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery. Demetri Martin
I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.
If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find. Demetri Martin
If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults. Demetri Martin
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.