Demetri Evan Martin (born May 25, 1973) is an American comedian, actor, artist, musician, writer, and humorist. He is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being...
I never set out to do a sketch show. Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door. Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math. Demetri Martin
100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton. Demetri Martin
One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. Demetri Martin
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store. Demetri Martin
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets. Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K. Demetri Martin
Someday I will tell my grandchildren that I lived in the era when OK was abbreviated to K.
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned. Demetri Martin
History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby. Demetri Martin
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.