A. A. Milne Humor
Erma Bombeck Life, Humor
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde
Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now. Bob Monkhouse
They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
I guess I started too early because I just thought it was something fun to do. Arthur Ashe
I guess I started too early because I just thought it was something fun to do.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Living alone makes it harder to find someone to blame. Mason Cooley
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. Winston Churchill
My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.