The best revenge is living well.

Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Jerry Seinfeld

Being funny is one of the ultimate weapons a person can have in human society.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, See if you can blow this out.

Jerry Seinfeld

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld