If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Jerry Seinfeld

The best revenge is living well.

Jerry Seinfeld

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Jerry Seinfeld

Being funny is one of the ultimate weapons a person can have in human society.

Jerry Seinfeld

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

Jerry Seinfeld

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, See if you can blow this out.

Jerry Seinfeld

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Jerry Seinfeld

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Jerry Seinfeld