Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? Robin Williams
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. Robin Williams
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. Robin Williams
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name Steven Wright
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde
Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Steven Wright
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? Bob Monkhouse
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away. Bob Monkhouse
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. Bob Monkhouse
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.