Like many men, I can never find anything that I'm looking for, even when I'm actually looking at it. In a fridge, I think milk is actually invisible to the male eye. And so, it turns out, are dirty great holes in the fence.

Jeremy Clarkson

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.

Jeremy Clarkson

We are going to have to stop penalising people for making that most human of gestures- mistake

Jeremy Clarkson

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.

Jeremy Clarkson

Column writing is like gas - it fills the available space.

Jeremy Clarkson

I like to be loved by my children, and I quite like the Guardian hating me.

Jeremy Clarkson

I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.

Jeremy Clarkson

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

Jeremy Clarkson

I think people who watch 'Top Gear' think they're the only ones watching it, which I quite like, because it can hopefully last for a long time.

Jeremy Clarkson

We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.

Jeremy Clarkson

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

Jeremy Clarkson

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Jeremy Clarkson