Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. Steven Wright
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against. W. C. Fields
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Robert A. Heinlein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. Robert Frost
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
Nobody works better under pressure. They just work faster.” Brian Tracy
Nobody works better under pressure. They just work faster.”
You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. Ken Kesey
You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected. Kurt Vonnegut
The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it. Lewis Carroll
Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it.
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny. Anthony Jeselnik
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore because it's too crowded. Yogi Berra
Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore because it's too crowded.